I desperatly need to update this journal! Augh!

Ok so life update: I now have a second job, I responded to a craigslist advert for an illustrator position working for a local game startup, and I got the job! They liked my portfolio, and the job is going to be way fun. Long as I meet my deadlines. Im illustrating a d&d type roleplaying game, that is being produced using a licensed version of the Savage Realms ruleset by la local startup company. Its going to be published this summer or fall by Pinnacle Entertainment Group, who publish the rpg sourcebooks for Solomon Kane and Deadlands among others. So this is cool news! I'm starting on the bottom floor of a career Ive always dreamed of.

Just pray I make my deadlines. My first assignment feels like redesigning something as iconic as the millenium falcon, and its daunting to say the least. Some of my recent submissions are going to reflect the style Im workin on for this project, grayscale shaded conceptual renderings. Its so cool to be doing this for an actual project, I geek out on this kind of art all the time, I always have. Now Im contributing to the field!

I guess Im mainly sad that this scifi universe theyve created has no anthros in it. I asked. I dont think they like anthros. They dont have aliens either, its a unique twist in that its more cyberpunk and mainly human, with genetic modifications. So its playing with alot of eras conceptually, but set in an exploration based future reminiscent to me of the game Freelancer more than anything. Im trying to love it. I think they are still very much working n fleshing it out. I'll keep you posted as much as I can.

-crash the ottah

yep, Crash ish old today. I am 25 as of today october 18th, that is stinkin DECREPIT. I was born in 1983.. Nineteen stinkin eighty three. I talk to teenagers and realize I was born before things like computers became commonplace. I remember getting our first computer, a mac IIci.. it had 16 colors :3 Now I work with trillions of colors in Photoshop CS3.. Time has so changed, even though I still think of myself as young, as a kid. Our first game may have even been text based hehehe. Did anyone ever play 3 in Three? Or Vette? Or Spin Doctor? I remember when people didn't have cell phones. And texting. When did this all change?

My friends took me out to my favorite Thai restaurant, it was so good. I'd never tried duck before, though the sweet an sour thai style was better. We walked over to the park afterwards where a friend of ours was having a bachelor party [at least the beginning of one] they had set up a slip-n-slide and were takin on the hill in the dark. It was silly so we came home and played cards. The only thing I missed out of the evening was maybe a coconut rum an dr pepper.. But then, I still have all today [my real day] an tonight, we'll see what happens ^^ Guess this past evening was really a last day being 24 celebration. Or funeral hehehehe.

Today I decided I was thankful most for not being in food service anymore, listening to horror stories of waiting and stuff.. But I guess right now I'm thankful I have friends who care enough to throw down money and buy me dinner and spend time with me and really make a mess of a big table and say enough dirty jokes that the people around us probably hated us. I would'nt have it any other way. I have friends who are happy to be themselves and not fake around me, and I love em. My roomie Jack gave me Watchmen so now I finally get to read it, and I read an article on the new Star Trek movie and I'm stoked. The trailer hits when Quantum of Solace gets released. Can't wait. I got my costume for halloween squared away too and my weekend to Vegas with my twin bro pretty ok too. So today couldn't get much better. Now I get to go to bed a 25 yr old..

When you're 25 you get to take over the world, right? Let me at it :3

-crash

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[want work by me? click here]

edit: watch a video that shows what I worked on!

I am sore and tired and have blisters on my feet. I somehow miraculously managed to sleep 5 hours, and here I am running stuff at my church again. But last night was so awesome and worth it- I was lighting designer during a concert for a band I know, again as I have in the past, but this time was a 1600 seat auditorium and we were using the same lighting rig and layout that I think Alice In Chains had used the week before. We split the back truss up in five sections and put them on end, so there were these lighting towers behind the band aimed at the audience, so it was wicked bright every time I fired em off. It was awesome!

Really just wanted you to have a chance to hear the band, Elliot. Theyre all good friends of mine :3 The lead singer is even my small group leader. Im lucky! But their album will be out on thanksgiving and you can get their free single off their site, so, free music! visit Elliot here

Thanks friends. I made it through this week, so I'm gonna be back to normal after a long long nap this afternoon.

ottah out

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[want work by me? click here]

I keep finding myself up at all hours. Tonight was no exception.
I wish it was somehow justified by production.. I haven't done anything new in forever- I havent had any inspiration, even when Ive taken on one commission now. I get home, I talk with roomies, watch movies, troll deviantart.. and I look at my sketchbook and feel powerless. I thought taking on a commission would fix that. My art looks like crap right now. The pencil sketches Ive done towards it are not what I'd want. They arent amazing or inspired. I'll keep trying..

Is this what art block looks like?
I hate it

I feel like this is kindof connected to how Im doing with my faith. I feel like I'm far away from it right now, and I don't want to be- but that same apathetic lack of energy is all over it too. Do I recognize I need to change? Yes. Do I do anything about it? No. Does anything satisfy me these days? Very little. Not lookin at art, nothin really except new music and talking with friends, but as soon as Im alone I just feel listless and drifting within the tiny confines of this room. These four walls are covered in art but its like the colors drained out?
I can laugh at the comics I read, like Nextwave.. and jokes from my roomie Jack.. but its like that joy leaves awfully fast.

Its like the smile's on the surface, but the muscles have gotten out of practice on holding on to it..

It just started raining outside. Ive missed the rain.


I just post old art.
I wish I had something new.
Whats it worth?
I'm just hoping for feedback, its not like Im pushing myself.
I'm living off what people say aren't I..
its dry times like this that make me want to resign, saying finally that art is vanity and worthless, but I can't commit.

There's a part of me that still needs it.
Sure I'm seeking approval, but I do love creating. I think I just need to find joy again.
I think inspiration comes with that.
And I know where I need to turn first.

To the Lord.
Faith is simple like that. God is very much here, right now, waiting to spend time with me, if I can just get past lookin at myself
I wish it was easy. But it shouldnt be. Its ok to be tough. Tough and dry and weird and empty. Its times like this that form you
And you realize what you need. And what you're missing.
I know what I'm missing.

Lord please help me? I want to see color again

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[want work by me? click here]

COMMISSIONS STATUS: OPEN
Ive decided to start taking official commissions. I'll try this out. Here's my rough prices:

quick sketches: $5
lineart with pens: $15
digital work: N/A -If I do digital, it will be finish work on sketch and ink drawings anyway. If you want digital coloring, buy one of these full drawins V
Full Colored Traditional: $30 probably what I'd want to do most :3
Full Color Digital (lineart plus digital coloring): $30

this will start as a trial run on commissions, and I'll start with five slots and update those as I go. Alright, who wants one! Note me if you are interested! I check devart all the time

-----Current List of Commissions-----

1) =krhainos [sketching ideas out]
2) open
3) open
4) open
5) open