said too much

. . .



I've been discovering a lot lately..
in words people say to each other, across inches and decades of miles
we only have so many words of love inside
I'm inclined to think from birth
and we can let them forth, giddy and unchecked, and never get them back again
once spent, that's it.
I feel like Ive said some things in time, that maybe were meant for someone else
down the line
and I don't know what to do
I've said a lot already
maybe too much

and what I've heard has me thinking
how we sometimes let things go
and regret it later
how we sometimes wish, that our words would check out at the door
agree to a curfew
and take a cellphone with them
and that cute guy they're out with, how we wish we could trust him
to remain innocent
but we cant

some say love is blind
I want it shot, deaf and dumb, tied to a chair and bleeding
but I will put my knives away
leave them glinting in the darkness
I only want to pound something because I'm mad at myself
and powerless to change

some have written on love
the whole world, one could guess
a few scribblings to each at least
the heart would write novels if it were able
farbeit for me to add to the fray
with fiery words of passion that will fade
pass to ash and become dust in my mouth
I've heard many things, that love is blind
that love is fair, that love is all I need
and I admit, I'm not the most experienced
not enough to speak, no
but I am enough to listen
through the mindless reckless voices of this earth
I listened to you

and I couldn’t shake from me the words you said
each spoken quiet, from an honest heart
one that was gold in its gentle spirit
and with them came a realization, of something lost upon this world
we are born with these words inside us
words of love and devotion to give away
and each one worth all the treasure of a thousand lifetimes
once spoken…

you told me in the quiet that I was special, loved alone among many
that I was yours, no distance to sever
and I counted myself lucky
lucky like the heavens themselves had been signed over in my name
and my wings strapped on
lucky like the sea between us had just parted
like my prison bars just fell away, this day.
I knew that I was yours, and to be so felt so right
fit within everything I am and made me whole
I knew your words helped me
awoke in me my quiet answers to them
of thanks and belonging and joy and hope
and every future we could find before our feet
plans to walk them all
together, and knowing nothing more mattered
apart from that
I knew my words trembled and fell shakily
amongst the grass and flowers that circled
perpetual, at your feet
but that was alright
you were content with my frailties
and nothing more was all you wanted
you and I were everything and enough
and all we were was
what we were supposed to be

these words
burn brightly in the grate
from flame to ember beneath the irons
and I search my heart for what I have still
these words
have gone out like new wine
poured and thrown the cork away
unneeded, the best first
they fell on you, a harvest field
fertile ‘neath the midday sun
it shone
and I was summer in your eyes
bringing the change of seasons on my wing
but you saw the calendar page turn before I did
numbered each day
like counting each heartbeat
and in the space between them
were sudden miles and empty dust
and me, coughing, saying your name
over and over again in your wake
until it meant something to me
willing you to speak again
to fill the silence with your soft voice
utter anything at all
except these words

I've been realizing a lot lately..
in words people say to each other, across inches and decades of miles
we only have so many words of love inside
from birth we set them forth, giddy and unchecked, and never get them back
spend them like bitter water after new wine
I feel like Ive said some things in time,
that were not meant to be mine
they were bound for someone else
and I don't know what to do
I've said a lot already
I've said too much to you